The 3 Word Secret to a Closet That Works 👚

Because a closet of clothes you can wear > A closet with nothing to wear

I strolled to the fitting rooms with my arms loaded with clothes that needed to be tried on.  

And by clothes, I mean pants.  

Which I hate buying because I hate trying them on because nothing ever fits right or looks right or makes me feel like Heidi Klum.  

Or Sofia Vergara.  

Or Sandra Bullock who once said that she’s been in so many films at so many sizes that everyone has seen her in basically every iteration of her body size and man did I feel that. 

The only thing worse than trying on pants for me is trying on (you know what’s coming here, right?) swimsuits.

But, I was off to the fitting room with about 142 pounds of pants in my arms thinking, “Well, this should be hilarious.” 

The salesperson smiled at me as I passed and I smiled back because that’s what you do when you’re headed to do battle with your demons in a small room in the back with a curtain that doesn’t quite close all the way and lighting that makes you wonder if your kidneys are failing.

And then it begins.  Pants off.  Pants on.  Spin around, open eyes, look in the mirror, and believe that I am emotionally prepared for whatever is about to happen.

I’m not gonna lie to you. I was not feeling hopeful about this pants trying on situation.

1. I am taller than virtually all the Portuguese women I know.  

2. I have no idea what my size is in European sizes.

3. I have no idea what my size is on any continent, if we’re being completely honest.  It basically changes every day.

4. I’d been attending a lot of events in the days leading up to the trying on of the pants and a lot of food was consumed.

So nobody was more surprised than me when I opened my eyes to see me in a pair of black straight-leg trousers looking like effing Heidi Klum.  

I’ll tell you what was happening.  

I can name that tune in two notes.

Skinny mirror.

OMG I love a skinny mirror.  Why don’t all fitting rooms have a skinny mirror?  If I had a clothing store I would put skinny mirrors everywhere because everybody feels great about themselves when they turn around and open their eyes and they look like Heidi Klum.  

Trying on clothes is awesome when you look amazing in them.

Which is why we are going to talk about what’s going on in your closet. 

Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried to get dressed and had to make 17 attempts before you finally put something on your body that didn’t make you want to ❶ rethink your position on liposuction and ❷ second guess every decision you’ve ever made about your life in a shopping mall.  

Me too. 

Wanna know how I stopped this from happening a few weeks ago?  

I took a Saturday and I tried everything on.

Everything. Went on my body. (And this was about as fun as it sounds.) Yeah.

I didn’t hold it up next to my body on the hanger and cock my head from side to side like a rooster wondering if it looked good on me.

I didn’t hold it out away from my body and think about whether it looked good on me the last time I put it on.

I didn’t say, “Oh I just wore that a couple of weeks ago, it’s good.”

I assumed nothing.  I tried. Everything. On.

The 3 word secret to a closet of clothes you can (and will) wear?
Try. Everything. On.

If it didn’t fit me the way I wanted it to fit me, I did not put it back in my closet. 

If I couldn’t make a complete outfit out of it, I did not put it back in my closet.

If I didn’t have the right shoes to go with it and I wasn’t going to buy the right shoes, I did not put it back in my closet.

If I honestly couldn’t think of anywhere I would actually wear it, I did not put it back in my closet.  

Did I keep my fat clothes?  Nope. I am not keeping clothes for a life I’m not going to be living.  

Did I keep my skinny clothes?  Some.  I kept a few items that I really loved (and that I was pretty confident that I could realistically get into again). 

Did I have fewer clothes when this was over?  Yep.

Did fewer clothes mean I had fewer things to wear.  Nope.  I actually felt like I had more things to wear because I actually had things I could wear that looked great on me and didn’t require me to perform 16 outfit changes like I was on the Eras tour.

Did it take forever?  It took a fair bit of time.  But not as much time as I thought it would.  I knew pretty quickly if something was going back into the closet or not.  Once I put the clothes on my body, it was obvious if something was working or not.  And I was in no mood for something that didn’t work.  

And also, my goal wasn’t to get rid of a lot of clothes.  My closet wasn’t overflowing and so I didn’t have the added stress of trying to make space for things.  I just wanted to be able to pull clothes out of my wardrobe and put them on my body without any of the I-have-nothing-to-wear-so-I-guess-I’ll-wear-what-I-wore-on-Tuesday-nobody-will-notice drama in the morning.  

You wanna have a closet full of clothes you absolutely know you can wear?  Try. Everything. On.  Take a Saturday, pull everything out, try everything on and look in the mirror so you can see how it looks.  

Because knowing is better than guessing.  

And knowing you’re right is better than guessing and finding out you’re wrong.   

And having a closet of clothes you can actually wear is better than having a closet of clothes but nothing to wear.

Be brave.  Be ruthless.  Be kind to yourself.

And also, please tilt your mirror so you’re getting the most flattering angle.  And put on your best underpants.  You’re going to spend a fair bit of time staring at your mostly naked body.  Let’s do everything we can to make that as pleasant as possible.  

Seeing you in the (skinny) mirror,
Vivian

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